How many times have you met a cool or sexy girl you were into, tried to follow up with her, and she was non responsive?
Or maybe, she was totally into you after you called her, but was a super flake and you couldn’t get her to go on a date.
What’s a guy to do? Work on your reopening skillset… that’s how.
A solid reopening skillset can give you the opportunity to turn even the softest closes into dates, lays, LTRs, and more.
A shitty reopening skillset can turn hard hooks into flakes.
In the movie Swingers, Trent gave Mike the advice to wait 3 days or even 6 to call a girl so he didn’t scare her off.
The waiting “x” days rule is ok, but if you think of pickup rules in the sense of traditional tools, it’s more of a sledge hammer when you need something more refined.
HOW DO I START?
Good follow up technique starts with the interaction and the close; the more solid the interaction, the less chance of a flake.
I’ll also do a number of things to secure less flakes.
- Especially if a girl is drunk, I’ll “test” her and make her repeat my name several times. My current LTR I quizzed 6 times the night we met at Stingaree. Clubs are loud and overwhelm the senses. Burn it in through repetition so she remembers who you are. Stand out. It’s dumb to lose a girl because the night was a blur.
- Save your name in her phone as something memorable or outlandish. I like to save it as “Amazing Milkman”. This is a cardinal rule yet is skipped by so many. The small Buying Temperature jump she gets from seeing your name pop up on her phone in this manner is just enough to compel her to be more responsive. Get her number, call her, and then compliance test her with “Let me see your phone a sec”. Take the extra minute to save your number in her phone. It’s dumb to lose a girl because only a number shows up and she didn’t know it was the amazing guy she met the night before.
- Give her a nickname. If a girl drips her drink on my shoes I might accuse her of being the girl who got me wet and then call her Aquagirl.
- During the course of your conversation, “Go Fishing” and seed several activities with her but don’t invite her right away as that would appear needy. Just let her know you do fun stuff without sounding braggish. Instead, take note of which ones she seems most interested in. Change the topic. And later return to it and invite her to something. See below generic script:
MM (Seeding fishhooks): Last week was so amazing, I did X, Y, and Z…
HB (She bites): Wow, I LOVE “Z”!
MM (Changing topic): So anyway…
HB (She goes on to new thread but wants to know about the last one): Stuff
MM (Returning to seed): Hey I’m gonna go “Z” next week some time. You should come, it’ll be fun… I’m free a couple days, what looks good for you?
These things all lessen the chance of flakes. Do them all.
OK ENOUGH WITH THE INTERACTION, WHEN DO I REOPEN?
So you have this hottie’s number burning a hole in your cell phone… holy shit, suddenly it's the wrong kind of weenie roast. So when do you reopen her?
In the generic sense I typically wait til around 11am-1pm to contact a girl the day after, depending on when I wanted to get her out.
If a girl is out all night getting drunk, it doesn’t make sense to send her a message much earlier; she’s still in her PJ’s and even if she sees the message, likes it, and remembers who you are, the chance of ADD is high as she may simply go back to sleep. Thus, the 11a-1pm rule is born.
Exceptions to this rule are when you have discussed earlier plans with her or there might be a time limit, such as she is flying home the next day and you need enough time to work your magic.
KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE
Before I discuss actual messages to be sent, let’s talk about keeping your eye on the prize. A lot of guys lose sight of why they are part of the community, and thus they fail in their goals. You must always have a goal to succeed at it.
Texting a quality woman you find attractive can be QUITE addictive… but keep your eyes on the goals, son!
The goal is to get her out, and have sex with her.
I always make having sex with women a priority.
Not because I’m some sort of shallow, immature being who needs to use women as an extension of my hand to ejaculate into.
Not because I was bullied in high school and have some pathetic need for validation to get revenge by showing the world how women love me.
Not because great sex can be very passionate and enriching for both parties involved.
I make it a priority because something changes with women when you have sex with them. They accept you. And your relationship with her is more honest than ever. I know that sex is very important to the formation of this bond. She becomes yours, fully.
Plus I like fucking women.
Immediately after sex I’ll know if this girl is a longer term interest or if she’s going to be a fun friend.
Texting fits into this as it is a tool to help get you that date in the first place.
WHAT NOT TO SEND
Here are examples of bad reopeners in no particular order:
Boring: Hey Susan, it’s Bob from Friday night. How are you?
-If she responds to this it will be out of politeness, not interest in fucking you.
Weak: Hi Sarah, it’s Peter. Would you like to go out some time?
-Asking for her permission or direction. Horrible; you’re the man – take the lead.
Mr. Creepy Over Sexual or Fetish Guy: It got hot and heavy the other night… want to finish what we started? I’ve got my unicorn riding crops all warmed up!
-If a girl was drunk and horny in the moment when you met her, but is not the following day you can trigger ASD by sending her overly sexual messages too early in getting to know her. Still, if she is a sexual being and is comfortable with you it could work in your favor. "Newbies" should use caution.
SENDING THE RIGHT REOPENER
The right reopener will:
- Grab her attention – you want her to take notice.
- Begin building compliance and buying temperature
- Finally it compels her to respond to you
The best messages I send out often incorporate callback humor (very important), it may bust on her or get her to qualify herself to you about why she’s good or can still hang out with you, it may challenge her, or might be cocky/funny.
Let’s start with some simple reopeners:
Hi NICKNAME, do u speak text? –Milkman
Hi NICKNAME, are you textually active? ;) –Milkman
NICKNAME, let’s pull an Olivia Newton John and get Textual! Can you speak txt? –Guess who! ;p
It’s dumb.. strike that, it’s MORONIC, to send a girl a great witty text and get “who r u?” in return.
Call her by a nickname, sign your own name, save your name in her phone and that won’t happen. If you’re certain she’ll know who you are, it’s fun to sign "–Guess who! :p"
Then you can tell her she's amazing and should be a member of Mensa for figuring it out. For some reason girls always want to punch me after I tell them that. :p
The great thing about the “Do you speak text” text, is that there’s a built in safety net if she doesn’t answer. Normally texting and then calling a girl would be a little needy, but if she doesn’t answer that yes, she can text, then you may simply call her later as you’ve assumed she couldn’t text.
See, I’m brilliant. And devilishly handsome, too.
Let’s get more advanced. Get creative and challenge her. Get her to qualify herself. Bust on her, but don’t be a dick:
NICKNAME, you left the party so soon… I thought you said you could hang? By the way, do you speak txt? –Milkman
NICKNAME! I’ve never seen a model eat so many nachos. Did they forget to feed you your 3 mandatory pieces of lettuce last night? :p –Milkman
** Story time **
I met a hot, skinny professional woman online. She actually went AFC and emailed me “How are you doing? How is the weather in San Diego?” to which I replied “Oh you did not just ask me about the weather!...” Later, I opened her on text for the first time:
“Hi Weathergirl, it’s looking like your forecast will have a little Milkman in your future! ;)”
This pulls in all of the above principles together. Busting on her, callback humor, giving her a nickname, and more…
Breaking down how texts like these work, you first grab her attention by using her name or nickname. You’ve also saved your name in her phone and signed who you are. She now knows this message is from someone cool she should pay attention to, and you do not get the dreaded “who r u”?
Next you pump attraction or buying temperature with some of the above principles by using callback humor, busting on her, roleplaying, and more.
I prefer statements over questions, but “Do u speak txt” is fairly harmless so I’ll roll with it.
Lastly this all compels her to respond to you.
She responded! Great! You’re on the path to hanging out with her.
ESCALATION
As a man, it’s your primary duty to escalate because women are taught not to by our society’s framing. Some will, but don’t rely on it.
Escalation comes in many forms and steps and can be broken down.
- A phone number is escalated to a txt or call.
- A txt is escalated to a call.
- A call is escalated to a meetup.
- A meetup is escalated to being physical with kino.
- Kino escalates to makeout.
- Makeout escalates to petting.
- Petting escalates to…
…Pardon me while I excuse myself to the restroom for 5 minutes…… fap fap fap.
Break it down and it’s not so scary and the pattern is completely natural.
Become aware of where and when you should escalate is a skill unto itself. But that's a discussion for another time...
*Note some guys get lost in texting girls due to re-occurring bad community advice of “Starting a text war” with her. If you sit there txting her for 2 weeks, you’ve lost sight of the goals. The goal is to use text to get her to hang out with you, not to “text war” her for 2 weeks until she loses interest and friend zones you.
As you’re texting her and running your tight text game, she’s being feisty, playful, throwing you IOIs, and shooting replies off to you quickly. Feels great huh? Awesome, well your job ain’t done yet, bucko.
While all this is going on it’s telling me she’s at the height of her response compliance, so I’ll take this opportunity to CALL HER because she’s most liable to answer!
CALLING HER FOR THE FIRST TIME
Lengthwise, I’ve found 10 minutes is generally more than enough time to talk before setting up a date but if I’m enjoying myself I might go as long as 30 minutes.
I’ll false time constraint myself so I don’t end up on the phone forever; “I have to surf with my friend so I have to go in a bit, but blah blah blah…”
I’ll pump her buying temperature, I’ll do a little getting to know you stuff. I’ll keep it light and fun.
I’ll start sexually framing if I haven’t already, I might make some sex related jokes to see how she responds. If she responds well, the DTF factor will go up. If she doesn't respond well I'll know she's not yet comfortable enough or doesn't "get" my humor.
If you forgot to do it in your initial interaction, I’ll subtly seed fun things I like to do like sushi, surfing, snorkeling, karaoke, biking, hiking, wine tasting, etc.
I won’t invite her to anything but I’ll take note what interests her and change the subject.
I’ll find out logistics. I like to know what part of town she lives in and what her work schedule might be like. From that I can compare to the activities in my head I’m sure she’ll enjoy and I’ll make a decision where I'll take her and when we should meet.
Sooner is always best – “strike while the iron is hot” completely applies when it comes to getting women out. If you don’t, it can peter out, and then you have to adopt a longer term strategy. On an infinite timeline, you can probably have sex with any woman you want. The goal is not to wait so long, however. ;)
“I have to (activity) with my friend, but I’m free after that… I’ve kind of been thinking about this great brunch place. You should totally come, it’ll be fun”
If she’s down with your plan, you need to setup logistics. Generally these are the best options you have, in order of how good they are for you getting laid.
- Have her drive to your place, and you drive the two of you on your date. That way you end up at your place afterwards and have a window to have sex with her at a location where you are in control of logistics (a roomate isn't gonna bust in, a cat won't start trying to get her attn, she won't see her books and be reminded of that early college course, etc).
- You pick her up at her place and at the end of the date use the “I need to use your restroom real quick before I go” excuse to get inside and have sex with her. Or if you can tell she’s ready, you just bail back to her place.
- You meet her at the venue. This is the worst, avoid it if possible. You’ll have ten times the work to seed things to get her to bounce back to your place or hers.
EXAMPLE CONVERSATION
Milkman: You know, you’re feisty and kind of fun. We should get together some time.
Girl: Kind of fun? KIND OF? I’m a LOT of fun! Yeah, we should get together some time.. so you can see how fun I am! (Or, if she’s super into you she’ll suggest logistics right here)
Milkman: How about Tuesday, or do you know if Thursday is better for you?
Girl: I have extreme crocheting class on Tuesdays, so let’s do Thursday. What are we doing? (Note: When girls ask “what are we doing”, they really mean: “What should I wear?”)
Milkman: It’s a surprise so I can’t tell, but I can promise its right up your alley! Just dress in something cutesy-comfy and be over at my place at 7:30. Do you have a pen?
Girl: I’ll get one. What’s the address?
Milkman: (Tell her address and directions). Call me when you leave your place so I know you’re on your way.
Girl: Ok (compliance)
Milkman: Almost forgot… show up with an appetite, I’ll be making a gourmet meal before we go out. By the way, do you like the crusts on or off your Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches?
Girl: Ha ha, you better make me more than peanut butter and jelly, but I’m a “crust on” kind of girl. Blah blah..
Milkman: Oh shit! My buddy is here so I have to scoot… but it was nice talking to you and we’ll see each other Thursday!”
Notice the progression here.
I don't ask "How is Thursday at 5:37pm and 23 seconds for you?" of course you'll get a "NO", and then have to ask again, and again, and again.. wow, soundin pretty needy here buddy. Instead, there's a better way.
Let the logistics come out slowly. Concentrate on the biggest things first, like first that the two of you should hang out. Then I choose a day, followed by a time. As each thing is confirmed I move on.
You should be VERY SPECIFIC when it comes to the when, and where of the date. Have a plan!
By the way, I never call it a date because that sets a frame. I say we should hang out.
AFTER CALL MAINTENENCE
Obviously if you’re meeting her later that day no further contact is necessary.
But if you’re meeting her the day after, you might want to text her some time before the meetup to keep things fresh. "Ready to have some fun dorking out at Karaoke tonight?" goes a long way towards her not assuming it's off since you never contacted her.
If the meetup is several days away, you definitely need to at least text her once. It’s weird to meet someone, setup a hangout, and then all of a sudden they vanish for a week. Instead, shoot a text midway.
Enjoy, my little milk bottles.
-Milkman
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