Score! You James Bond motherfucker, you just made out with or even got laid from a total hottie! But how into you is she? How long might this last? What can you expect next? She kissed you so she’s gotta dig you, right? There’s a magnitude of difference in the amount a girl likes you between one you have to lead and “take” a kiss from, and one who craves you and longs to be part of your reality. Do you want to be the guy who has to chase the girl and work her up to sex every time, or the guy who the girl goes after without any prompting from you because you’re the prize and you inspire desire in her?
Both guys are getting laid… but why should you care? You shot your wad, isn’t that what counts? I’d answer that depends on where you set your sights, and what your goals are. If you’re okay with flying coach, cool have fun. But if you want a better experience where the girl treats you like a king, you may want to listen up. Think about it… if you only knew what to look for to tell how into you a woman was, you’d have a general idea how “healthy’ the relationship was. A spider sense! And when something changes for the worse, you can change and put things back in the right motion. Being the guy – the LEADER - means being informed, and knowing what to do. This is part of relationship management…
We all know the signs of a girl that isn’t that into you. Maybe she doesn’t respond to your calls or texts that well (or at all). Perhaps you have to grab for her hand, or be the one to go for the hug every time you’re out. You might even have to always kiss her, or do tons of work to “get her in the mood”. She’s accepting your lead (for now!) but you get this strange feeling she doesn’t seem that into you.
So how do you tell when a girl is truly into you? When I meet a girl the first time I might look for IOIs to provide feedback and tell me how I’m doing. With this knowledge I escalate properly. But what about after you’ve already met her, and the decision has been made she wants to get to know you? After the initial meet, I look for Chase Mode Indicators (CMIs). CMIs take into account such factors as attraction, comfort, familiarity, happiness, state, neediness, being the prize, and validation. Avoid mistaking CMIs for neediness; they’re not the same. One girl wants you, the other girl needs you. Generally multiple types of CMIs will be displayed during the duration for which she’s most strongly into you. Some are her way of saying “I miss you, and I’m thinking of you”. Other, in person ones are her unconscious way of stating she wants more of you. Here’s a few I’ve experienced:
- When side by side, you accidentally brush and she grabs your hand.
- She cleans or does the dishes at your place without being prompted.
- She’s the first to text you on any given day because she wants to see how you’re doing.
- She sends you more texts than you send her, or calls you more than you call her.
- You lean back in bed or on a couch and she curls up, resting her legs or head on you.
- When you’re away, she goes through less seen portions of your Myspace profile such as your blog, or older photos because she wants to find out more about you.
- She leaves you comments on your Myspace/Facebook.
- She brings you small tokens of her affection, such as a towel because you’re a surfer, an apron because you love to grill or enchiladas because you love Mexican food.
- She does things for you, like cooking your favorite meal.
- She seeks your attention, in a good way.
- She builds an altar with 666 blood red candles, pictures, and locks of your hair (just kidding – this is the girl who is needy).
When it comes to CMIs, watch for the actions and avoid listening to the words. I know girls who are feisty and give me hell, but their subconscious actions betray they are deeply into me. Keep an eye open so you can determine which girls are _truly_ into you, and those which merely bought into your frame and are letting you lead. In the future I’ll post some tips on putting a woman into chase mode.
-Milkman
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