Monday, February 9, 2009

How to: Turning that number into a date!


How many times have you met a cool girl, tried to follow up with her, and she was non responsive? What the hell happened? Or maybe, she was totally into you after you called her, but was a super flake and you couldn’t get her to go on a date. What’s a guy to do? Work on your reopening skillset… that’s how. A solid reopening skillset can give you the opportunity to turn even the softest closes into dates, lays, LTRs, and more.

In the movie Swingers, Trent gave Mike the advice to wait 3 days or even 6 to call a girl so he didn’t scare her off. The waiting “x” days rule is ok, but it’s really for those who don’t understand things the way the community does. We know with the right vibe, you can contact a girl right away.

FIRST CONTACT.

So you have this hottie’s number burning a hole in your cell phone… holy shit, suddenly it's the wrong kind of weenie roast. So when and how do you reopen her? With a few exceptions, I prefer to send a text in the early afternoon the day after, around 1pm. Avoid sending it too early when she’s still hung over, needs to get her coffee, or is being lazy curled up in her PJs. Even if she enjoys your text and means to respond, she may ADD out and forget to get back to you.

Regarding the actual message, I’ve found the right combination involves C/F, a challenge/qualification, or callback humor along with something which is designed to elicit a response. Remember, your goal here is to GRAB ATTENTION, ELICIT a reply, and build RESPONSE COMPLIANCE (and compliance in general). Some simple re-openers might look like this…

  • Hi NAME, do u speak text? –Milkman
  • Hi NAME, are u textually active? ;) -Milkman


But even better… get creative! CHALLENGE her! Be cocky (but not a DICK)

  • NICKNAME, you left the party so soon… what happened, big day at the library today? :p By the way, do u speak text? –Milkman
  • NICKNAME! Wow I don’t think I’ve ever seen a skinny girl bogart so many of my nachos before. Am I gonna have to send Sally Struthers to save you? :p BTW, r u textually active? –Milkman

Breaking these down in how they work, you first grab her attention by using her name (or a nickname you gave her). Next, you pump attraction/buying temperature with a little bit of banter, c/f, a challenge, or callback humor. Lastly you end it with a response elicitor- something designed to evoke a reply. I normally prefer to make STATEMENTS over questions like “do you speak text”, but since we put a little attraction/BT into the kitty we can make a small withdrawal here. Lastly, unless I saved my name in her phone I’ll sign my first text with my name. Either that or you can play stupid little “Who is this” frame games, and waste your time in doing so. :p

BEGIN ESCALATION.

Mission accomplished… she responded. Now, branch out and banter while showing as much value and mystery as you can to bait and interest her. So you’re running the tightest text game ever with this cutie; she’s being feisty, playful, throwing you IOIs, and shooting replies off to you quickly. Feels great huh? Awesome, well your job ain’t done yet, bucko. While all this is going on it’s telling me she’s at the height of her response compliance, so I’ll take this opportunity to CALL HER because she’s most liable to answer!

THE FIRST PHONE CALL.

I’ll have first conversations of anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes, keeping in mind my job as the dude is not to entertain her on the phone all day but to secure a meet up with her. I might do a pre-FTL (False Time Constraint) and drop that I’m meeting a friend to go surfing soon, or some other excuse. “Hey! What are you up to ….. My friend is on the way over, we’re going surfing soon…. But real quick.. blah blah. Girls like barriers; they keep them in line and give them something to work for. Anyway, during our conversation, I’ll banter, display values, get them to laugh, and have a fun time. Building comfort and trust in this step is vital to just how much of a hoop you can give them when it comes to meet up time. Every step builds upon the prior one.

MAKING THE DATE.

When it comes time to make the actual plans, here’s how it often goes down for me:

Milkman: You know, you’re feisty and kind of fun. We should get together some time.
Girl: Kind of fun? KIND OF? I’m a LOT of fun! Yeah, we should get together some time.. so you can see how fun I am! (Or, if she’s super into you she’ll suggest logistics right here)
Milkman: How about Tuesday, or do you know if Thursday is better for you?
Girl: I have extreme crocheting class on Tuesdays, so let’s do Thursday. What are we doing? (Note: When girls ask “what are we doing”, they really mean: “What should I wear?”)
Milkman: It’s a surprise so I can’t tell, but I can promise its right up your alley! Just dress in something cutesy-comfy and be over at my place at 7:30. Do you have a pen?
Girl: I’ll get one. What’s the address?
Milkman: (Tell her address and directions). Show up with an appetite, I’ll be making a gourmet meal before we go out. By the way, do you like the crusts on or off your Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches?
Girl: Ha ha, you better make me more than peanut butter and jelly, but I’m a “crust on” kind of girl. Blah blah..
Milkman: Oh shit! My buddy is here so I have to scoot… but it was nice talking to you and we’ll see each other Thursday!”
Girl: I can’t wait.
Milkman: I know. ;)


Ok, that last one was a little over the top but I had to do it. Anyway, notice the progression here; I’m letting logistics come out slowly. It’s important not to give too much info too fast or she may say no to the meet up based solely on the logistics. Girls do have lives also, when they’re not pining away for me that is. ;) I concentrate on the biggest things first, like first that the two of you should go out. Then I choose a day, followed by a time. As each thing is confirmed I move on. You should be VERY SPECIFIC when it comes to the when, and where of the date. You can be looser in other areas like what you’re doing, it’ll give you flexibility and you can change things around as the situation evolves. By the way, I never call it a date. It puts too much pressure on the situation. Let her be the one to call it the D-Word. You should call it a meet, a hang out, etc.

AFTER THE CALL.

It’s fine to go a couple days and contact her via text to keep things fresh, or to respond to her if she opens you. The day of, she may send you a “we still on for tonight?” or you may send her a “Ready to have some fun tonight?” (Which you will append after a suitably appropriate attraction/BT spike, of course!)

Enjoy… let’s hear some of your experiences!

-Milkman

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